Thursday, May 21, 2015

BrainZ (Writers Voice Entry)

Title: BrainZ
Author: Connie MacElroy
Genre: YA Paranormal Romance
Wordcount: 60,000

Query

Jill (16) has been disguised as a zombie since second grade. It’s the only way she can stay with her transformed family, since living/zombie families are not accepted. Keeping her secret while growing up in an all-zombie community hasn’t been easy, but things get tougher when she’s admitted into a newly formed integrated high school.

She’s caught off guard by the temptations of real food (instead of brainchow) and living boys. Dave, the football team’s quarterback, stuns her with athletic grace no zombie can match. And, since his team is integrated, he doesn’t have the prejudices most of the living do… including the school’s administration.
Even the zombies on staff treat “zits” as second-class citizens. But, if the football team is mixed, shouldn’t there be zombie cheerleaders? Jill decides if she can form a squad, it can be a step toward equal rights for zombies.
Getting permission is tough. Finding routines for shambling zombies is harder. Dealing with the insults and dirty tricks from the living girls is toughest of all. It would be impossible without the help of Dave and other sympathetic “pumpers.”
But every success makes Jill more conspicuous and raising the chance that she’ll be torn away from her family and they will become outcasts. And her biggest challenge is her longing to be herself, a living girl. 
BrainZ is a 60,000-word YA paranormal romance. Thank you for considering it.
First 250 words
Jill sat on the edge of her bed and fingered the tray of prosthetics. A cheek with a gouge. Part of a lip. The shoulder scar she’d hated since fifth grade.

She snatched up the ragged, scarred nose and placed it in front of her own small nose. She looked in the mirror. Most of one nostril had been torn free.

Ugh.

“I’m not wearing this,” she told her mom. Not on the first day of junior year. Not when living boys were there to gawk at her.

She dropped the nose back onto the tray.

Her mother aimed her good eye at her. “Then you’ll have to stay home.”

“I’ll wear last year’s nose, okay?” It was a fair compromise. If her mom wanted more decomposition – and she would – she could do it with make-up.

“I recycled it.”

Jill twisted her face into a scowl. She stood and strode over to the makeup chair, but she couldn’t get herself to sit down.

“Fine,” her mom said. “I still have the old molds. I’ll make a replacement nose. It will be ready in three days.”

Three days was a lifetime. She hadn’t seen Betsy all summer. Worse, she’d have to wait to meet the living boys she’d been dreaming about.

Impossible.

Jill threw herself into the chair, slumped, and folded her arms.

Her mother went right to work, her hands practiced at turning her daughter into a zombie.


49 comments:

  1. Awesome premise - good luck on the Writer's Voice!

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  2. Thank you, Belinda. It was fun to write.
    Connie

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  3. Replies
    1. Thanks, Athena. I was rereading to revise, and I kept surprising myself. I'm hoping readers will have the fun I did.
      Connie

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  4. This is so cool! I know the PERFECT seventh grader who would read this over and over again. (She's zombie/walker/living dead obsessed) I hope to find it for her in the bookstore one day! Too cool! Love and Good Luck!

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    1. Thank you, DJ. It's an (um) different view of the undead, but I think zombie fans will like the world I built.
      Connie

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  5. I SO want to read this! What a great concept and great writing! Good luck!

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  6. Thanks, Rachel. I have a lot of people to thank for the pushing and prodding I got to write this. Other writers are so generous.
    Connie

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  7. Great voice, great concept and love the title! Good luck.

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  8. Good luck in the competition! (You're @c03acE on Twitter, aren't you? I want to make sure my spreadsheet's accurate, lol!)

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  9. Great job capturing the teen voice - zombie or not.
    Please view my entry 41.
    Good luck!

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    1. Thank you, Ellen. Credit my mentor. She pushed me away from adult fiction, insisting YA was where I belonged. I'll check out your entry.
      Connie

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  10. This is a fantastic entry. Fingers crossed for you.

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  11. I want to read this. Good luck!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Jamie. I hope you get the chance!
      Connie

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  12. Awesome, teen voice. Nice job. Good luck!

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    1. Thanks, Suja. Given how good a writer you are, that is high praise.
      Connie.

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  13. Connie:
    I loved this! I really hope you find rep soon, just so I can read your completed work! :)
    Best of luck.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Julia. that is so sweet. Fingers are crossed. Good luck to you, too!
      Connie

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  14. great angle on zombie stories! good luck!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Kurt. People always want "the same, but different." I've been getting some good industry reactions because it's just different enough.
      Connie

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  15. I can always tell when a writer enjoyed themselves when writing. This has got sparkle and humor in spades. Really fun! Good luck in the Writer's Voice!

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    1. Thanks, Michael. This was one of those cases where enthusiasm was contagious. I has sold a short story, and a writer friend bugged me for more. And I just caught a feeling I hadn't had as the characters told their stories.
      Connie

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  16. Beauty! I really like the premise and the first page is pretty dang good!

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  17. Thanks, Colleen. Zombies have been good to me. A short story sold twice (and optioned by H'wood), a featured one-act play, and this, which poured out in weeks. (Rewriting took longer. Ahem!)
    Connie

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  18. This concept is killer (no pun intended). A zombie story (but flipped) all wrapped up in high school? An "integrated" high school? SO ridiculously good!!!! And the 250 is perfection.

    I do think the query could use some clarification. "disguised as a zombie" makes me think she's a zombie in hiding instead of the other way. And I don't understand the term "living/zombie families" -- do you mean an integrated family? If the school is integrated, why does she feel the need to hide? This muddles the stakes a bit -- if she's already admitted to an integrated school, if she gets found out, why couldn't her family just move to another community (but live in the same school)?

    Also there's a typo -- " by the temptations [OF] real food"

    Love this concept a lot - would be happy to take a look at some query revisions if you need :)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks so much, Karrie. And nice catch on the typo.
      She is the only living person in her family, and residing with them has only recently become legal. Integrated families are still a cause for great danger. Her school is integrated, but mostly in name. I need to make all this clearer. The Free States are integrated, but segregated by neighborhoods.
      Thank you for the offer. I may take you up on it.
      Connie.

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  19. I love the idea and the hook. The first page already has me. I feel like I understand and know the character and can't wait to follow her into the fray. Great job! Good luck in the contest!

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    1. Thank you, Christine. I was surprised and delighted by the character that emerged, so I'm grad she's coming across for you.
      Connie.

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  20. I love zombies and these are zombies as I've never seen them before. I love all the lingo-- "zits", "pumpers". Good luck!

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  21. Thanks, Sarah. I have no memory of creating zits or pumpers. I credit the characters.
    Connie

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  22. I love your premise and the first 250 pulled me in! Best of luck in the contest!
    Rebecca

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  23. Wow, this is really interesting! Love zombies. Good luck! :)

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  24. Thanks, Melody. It was fun to discover their culture.
    Connie

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  25. Love this. A very unique take on zombies. Good luck!

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  26. What a crazy cool twist on zombies, I love this entry! You have a great voice for YA too.
    Good luck!
    Jamie

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Jamie. Angst "R" Us here. Luckily, a mentor told me. :)
      Connie

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  27. This is such an engaging premise and first 250. I love how it kind of humanizes zombies; there's humor there, but also real heart-- a great combo! Best of luck!

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    1. Thank you. You know, it was a total surprise as I wrote? This was built off a short story that was a complete spoof. But I let the characters take the lead.
      Connie

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  28. Way to take a different turn and bring some new life to the world of zombie fiction. (No pun intended. Okay, maybe slightly intended.) Best of luck!

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  29. Love your 250 and this concept! Reminds me of THE HUNT by Andrew Fukuda. (Non vampire living in a vampire world) You should check it out if you haven't. It may be a great comp for your query. Best of luck Connie!

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  30. Thank you, Marcelle. I've added The Hunt to my reading list.
    Connie

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  31. Hi, Connie. Just wanted to let you know that BRAINZ was one of the entries that I seriously considered adding to my team. The combination of horror and humor reminded me of Carrie Harris's BAD TASTE IN BOYS (which is one of my all-time favorite zombie books), and I loved the tongue-in-cheek voice in the first page (pun intended).

    If you'd like some additional feedback on your query and first page, feel free to e-mail them to kvandolzer(at)gmail(dot)com. I won't be able to take a look until I get my teammates' entries squared away (which will probably take a few weeks), but I'd be happy to share a few more thoughts.

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